Here’s why I’m not gay

I believe that this post has the potential to be misunderstood and perceived as an attack though that’s not the intention. I simply want to share my convictions while recognizing that many won’t agree with me or think that what I’m saying is simply semantics. My view and stance is one of many so I’m only here to share mine openly and clearly, not dictate that everyone must believe as I do or you’re going to hell. So I hope that you will read this with an open mind and heart, that’s all.


This word today means many many things, but that’s not it’s origin. Originally, this word only meant joyful and carefree. But, in the 20th Century this word took a drastic turn to become specifically a sexualized definition. As time has passed, this little three-letter word continues to expand in it’s use and definition. Because of this, I feel that when used, one must be very clear in it’s definition. Otherwise, you leave much up to interpretation by the hearer.


To many of the world, gay has basically become an identity; it’s who I am and what I am. Many believe that you’re either born gay or you’re not, so change isn’t an option. This word tells you that I’m attracted to my same gender though I may not be having sex. This label is also a badge showing that I’m a minority and normally misunderstood and discriminated against.

“Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”  Colossians 3:1-3 

As followers of Jesus, we are to be in the world but not of it – living with different standards. Our lives are now founded upon Christ since we have been REBORN by His Spirit, blood, and water. Because of this reality, our identities cannot be rooted in the world’s system. This is why to the world, I say that I am not gay. Who and what I am now comes out of the true essence of me – which is my spirit that has been joined with Christ’s. I am no longer my own and must set my gaze on this identity which is higher. I’m not defined by desires, attractions, or addictions; I am defined by grace and God’s work that has made me into a new creature.


Generally speaking when the church hears the word gay, they automatically think of a person’s lifestyle choices and sexual behavior. The church hasn’t done well though to make this distinction clear to the world. Without clarity, in the name of condoning gay practice, we have also shamed and resisted gay people. This is not OK. Every human deserves to be respected and loved. Instead of singling out homosexual practice, let’s pursue holiness for everyone with equal zeal. Let’s trumpet that God’s Word only allows for sexual practice between a man and woman once joined in covenant marriage. Any other sexual practice is not according to holy scripture.

“For this is God’s will, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality, so that each of you knows how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, not with lustful desires, like the Gentiles who don’t know God.”   1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

Any same-sex or opposite-sex romantic sexual relationship is not allowed according to God’s Word. Since God’s definition of marriage is between a woman and man, pursuing any type of romantic/dating relationship(even if the intent is to remain non-sexual)with a man would be foolish and fruitless. It would be like starting a fire in a dry forest, thinking that you could contain it. This wouldn’t be the case so why even bother to light that spark? Doing so can only lead to a raging fire that consumes everything. Scripture does advise to flee youthful passions…I believe that this is why.  


To many christians today, they choose to use gay to describe their experience of same-sex attraction or desires only…for some this describes their orientation. Doing so doesn’t necessarily mean that they endorse or participate in same-sex sexual behavior.

Because this word can mean so many different things depending on how the listener interprets it, I don’t think it’s helpful for christians to use it. When used, it brings more confusion rather than understanding. Throughout scripture there are many many references and instruction to put worldly desires to death. We are to flee temptation. Jesus Himself modeled prayer that we are to ask to not be led into temptation but to be delivered from evil. I believe that taking on the term “gay christian” actually may lead one into temptation rather than from it. Our words bring death and life so using this, in my opinion, is empowering that which you are fighting against. If you adopt that you have a gay orientation, then you also aren’t leaving any room for the gospel to transform. You end up settling that these distorted, sinful inclinations are OK. But are they really?

Jesus came to destroy the works of the evil one and He took on our sin to forever take them away. Because of His power, we now are called to live holy, free from the dominion and control of sin – this includes attractions to the same gender. If I don’t believe there can be freedom or transformation concerning this, then that leaves anyone hopeless and defeated. But I believe and know that God’s power is perfect and more than able to do this.

“For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”    Romans 7:18-25

Here Paul shows that there is a battle between our flesh and renewed spirit, between sin and life. One active and real way to help in this battle is to starve the activity of sin and our flesh working within. We do this by setting our minds above and renewing them. We must pursue the holy, put our hope in Jesus and in His return, the power of the cross, etc. instead of feeding our flesh. This is why I choose to not use the term gay at all. I don’t find it beneficial at all in this journey and fight. As I feed my spirit with truth and the beauty of Jesus, I find that any hold that sin has on me grows weaker and weaker until I’m able to rejoice that God through Jesus has delivered me from this sinful body of death! Next month, I plan to share how I do describe myself, condition, experience, sexuality, etc. if I don’t use the term gay. 


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