The need for connection and intimacy is built into our human DNA. No matter how hard we may try at times, we can’t pray it away, ignore it, or deny it. It just is true…always! This is a dynamic that I’m usually really aware of in my own heart. And this last week, I felt this longing strongly. So when I heard him say “please stay the night, ” at first I tried to resist it. And then all these questions flooded my mind: Should I? Would this be right to do or wrong to do? What might this lead to if I stay? What might I miss if I don’t? Am I really worth that much to him?
I admit that at some level, hearing these words really felt good. If we’re honest, we all want to hear them or hear some version of them. Why? Because it shows that we’re wanted, desired, loved, enjoyed, and valued by someone else. And so, at that point, I felt I had no choice. For the sake of knowing love, I gave in and said yes.
He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Matthew 26:37-38
Here we see Jesus asking his closest friends to please stay the night with Him as He prayed. There was a deeper level of trust, friendship, and vulnerability that Jesus wanted to share with them. On Friday, I was a part of a Nightwatch where we prayed and worshipped Jesus from 10PM – 6AM. In the same way, I said yes to His call to spend time with Him through the night. As I did, I was reminded of this one reality.
APART FROM HIM, WE HAVE NOTHING. HE IS THE SOURCE OF ALL LIFE NO MATTER YOUR STRUGGLE.
Maybe you deal with same-sex attraction as I do, maybe not? Maybe it’s anger, pride, idolatry of things, or something else? Whatever the case is for you, the answer is the same for all. Drawing closer to Jesus is what will truly satisfy. It’s so simple that anyone can do it. Yet, it’s also so simple that many don’t put time and energy into it. When I don’t stay connected to Him, a void begins to form on the inside…that longing and desire to connect to something grows and grows. And that’s when emotions and attractions, unchecked, can take over that could lead to my destruction. But when I remind myself to slow down and breathe so I can hear His voice, it changes everything! He becomes my peace and joy and the superior pleasure that my soul really was looking for the entire time. Connecting with Jesus feeds my soul and fills me to overflowing.
For several months now, I’ve been leading a worship team here that has been singing and meditating weekly on Psalm 46(here are some clips if you’d like to listen Psalm 46). One week this spontaneous chorus came forth that really speaks into this
I’ll stop looking to outward things, to lesser things, to broken things
And I’ll start looking to inward things. There’s a river inside of me!
So many times we(I included) run around looking for our fill in other things, the outward things that the world has to offer. But ultimately those things are all fading away and never last long. The only thing that will really satisfy us continually is His presence and the life that we get from being in close relationship with Jesus. So I’ve been reminded myself of this reality. Because the sound that still rings true from the heart of God’s son is this: Father, I desire for them to be with Me so that they may have my joy fulfilled in themselves. If you abide in My love, your joy will be full. No matter who you are or what you’ve done, God desires and wants you. Come and eat, come drink…His arms are open, ready to receive and hug you. He alone has a love that you’re looking for.
LEAVE A COMMENT – SHARE YOUR STORY
Have you ever felt the pain and longing of unfulfilled love? How do you deal with it? Is God calling you to “stay the night” with Him in a more intentional way? What changes do you need to make in your routine to make that happen?