You Have A Good Sex Drive

Last week, we began talking about the complexity of lust, seeing that not all lust is bad nor sexual. But what about when it is of the sexual kind? Does that mean it’s all sinful and wrong? Let’s begin with what we know for sure…God created us and He called us very good. We also know that He designed us to be sexual beings- we have a sex drive and that’s very good.

We’ve got to face this truth unashamed because sexual urges, longings and drives are God-instilled and they aren’t going to magically go away. Denying this will only make things worse. There are real internal factors that we can’t change or flee from as much as we might try! A fact of our physiological make-up is that at certain times, men and women are more sexually driven than at other times. These internal hormones are even helpful and good. For example, “our primary sex organ is the brain, and our brain regulates hormones in our body to keep us healthy. Those hormones are called androgens and are responsible for reproductive and physiological growth during puberty and adolescence. They also regulate the reproductive system throughout life and are responsible for ‘turning us on’ sexually.”(Geraldi, pg. 112) This means that you don’t need to feel ashamed, guilty, or dirty when you have a strong sexual drive that’s being fueled by your hormones. Your body needs these hormones for growth and development. So if you’re a teenager or middle-schooler experiencing raging hormones, there’s hope! This will pass in time. But until then, know that your experience of hormones and a sex drive is a good thing, especially right now.

But you’re not entirely off the hook..

What you do need to be careful about are the external factors that may excite your sex drive. Being careful with what we see and hear is important as we live in a generation that is becoming more and more sex-saturated. But remember that not all external factors are sinful also. I wouldn’t say that experiencing arousal from seeing an attractive individual that gives way to pursuing that individual as a mate whom later becomes your spouse is a sinful lustful pattern. Would you? This is why staying in constant dialogue with the Holy Spirit concerning your sexuality is really important!

Some people define sexual lust simply as thinking sexual thoughts or thinking too much about sexual things. This is difficult because quantifying what is “too much” for one person, might not be too much for another. We can’t judge and put a number on it. I would say that if you are obsessing about anything, there is a danger that you are bordering sin with that thing. This is why again that only the Holy Spirit can really regulate an individual, convicting when obsession is sin.

We know that God’s design is only for sex to occur within the context of a covenant marriage between a woman and man. Here, sex is celebrated, encouraged, and a pleasure to be shared between husband and wife. So let’s think about how this began….it was probably something like this:

One day, I was doing my normal routine, just minding my own business. And then I saw her! Your mom walked in and I still remember exactly what she was wearing with her hair pulled back. When I saw her, I knew my search was finally over. I knew that I had finally found the one- the ugliest person possible to marry. I knew that we were perfect for one another.

Let’s get real!

That’s not how it happens at all! We all have innate sex drives and we all have different unique attractions. Ask a few people what physically attracts them to another and I promise the answers will vary. Not only will they be very diverse, the list of attractions will delve deeper into things such as personality, values, and passions. This again shows just how intricately God created us in our sexuality, that in and of itself is very good! So to try to avoid the fact that you get “turned on” when you see a red-head rather than a blond seems ridiculous. This experience is part of life and how we’re created. Then what? What do we do with that attraction and sex drive? This becomes the important question and so I leave you with this verse.

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor…for God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.                            1 Thess. 4:3-4,7


Did your opinion or thoughts about your sex drive change in any way after reading this? What are some ways you sustain balance concerning your sex drive? Is it possible to do this without the Holy Spirit’s help?



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