There he is. Standing in the sun like a scene from a movie. Perfect with tanned skin and a fit body. He seems to have so much life and joy inside while he shares about his latest adventures to us. I notice that something deep within propels me to engage and lock in to what he’s saying, wishing that I had been with him on his adventure. I definitely am drawn to him, attracted, as some would say. But I also realize that this isn’t about sexual attraction, because I have no desire to have sex with him. No, it’s much much deeper than that.
Our culture has degraded attraction to only pertain to that of sexuality. But if we stop and dissect what we are actually attracted to, we might be able to see something deeper. Something that reveals the truth: the WHY behind what we feel. This can really be a key to no longer be mastered by attractions and desires, whatever they are.
To me, the first thing I notice is a man’s physical appearance. If he has a fit body, then this automatically speaks of great masculinity and strength to me. But this is honestly a false judgement. Just because a guy has a great body, it doesn’t necessarily reflect character, strength of heart, or even true masculinity. With noticing his frame, I instantly become aware of my own inadequacies and begin the mind game of comparing my physical features to his. Within no time, I believe that old well rehearsed and worn track that I’m unattractive, weak, and less than a man. If I allow myself to build a house here in these shadows, I end up isolating myself from men. This only feeds my disconnected heart, while starving myself from what I need most: connection.
Though you may not have the same struggles as I do, we all do this same thing in various ways. Often, we want what we don’t have; envy and covetousness become the driving force of our lives. We have brown eyes yet desire blue eyes so we spend money on colored contacts. How many times have we stopped and started a workout routine and/or dieting plan? We want the possessions that our neighbors have so we work an insane number of hours overtime just to purchase a fraction of what they have. We are never satisfied so we must be the first to upgrade to the latest smartphone or gadget. What are we all trying to prove? At the heart of it all, I think that we need to stop comparing ourselves to others and see the good that we each possess. Doing so just might give you freedom from some of the things that have you bound.
Going back to the beginning scenario…I remind myself that size doesn’t matter. A measure of a man isn’t based on his muscular (or lack of) size. I don’t have to feel lacking or less than as I stand listening to him. I have plenty of value, strength, and power in me. I choose to let go of comparisons in order to see myself truly as I am: as a man among men. When I do so, I find that my attraction diminishes and I’m able to see that we are equals. I no longer feel like I need anything from him. I become more comfortable in my own skin, size, and heart.
SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE – LEAVE A COMMENT
Have you ever stopped to look further behind the feelings of attraction or envy? What messages about yourself are propelling you to compare yourself to others? Do you feel as an equal to the men around you or do you think yourself better/less than them?
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