Oops I Did It Again

Well folks, I did it again. I know, I know..I’ve been walking things out for quite awhile so I should have things steady by now, I know better right?! Well life is a mix of ups and downs, victories and failures, strength and weaknesses, pride and humility. I’m not perfect, sorry if I put that impression off.

The struggle of male friendships and the need to feel a belonging with other men is real.

This tension and desire comes in waves, sometimes unexpectedly. Lately, those waves have been pretty strong and I’ve been feeling the lack in my life. I took a risk with a friendship to voice some vulnerable needs, but there wasn’t a favorable response like I hoped for. It is hard not being understood and affirmed when you feel really weak and am not looking to be “fixed” but to be heard and empathized with, to receive that comfort that sometimes needs to come from touch or a hug. To say the least, this outcome I experienced was a disappointment and painful. This kind of thing always opens the door for confusion and a downward spiral for me emotionally.

But God

After wrestling through the emotions for awhile and trying to think clearly, I suddenly remember that I have a friend closer than and more understanding of me than anyone ever could! Of course, I still long to have brothers that will take the time to understand me, my needs, and be willing to offer their strength of masculinity to affirm the places of doubt in me and to include me in their lives. But I had to remind myself that my trust can’t ultimately be in men. No, my only sure foundation and hope is to trust in God.

His voice is strength to my soul. His truth is what I need more and more in my inward parts. His wisdom is perfect and good so I must trust His timing and involvement as far as whether or not He provides literal brothers or not. I must believe that He promises not to break a bruised reed because He is gentle and has my good in mind. I’m encouraged believing that He will complete what He has begun. So even if that means not until I see Him face to face will things be at peace on the inside, I have to know that He will supply my need and give me the grace necessary to endure until that time. He is good so that must be my song. Hope this song about that helps strengthen you today..

King of My Heart

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