I thought that it was time for me to get a little more vulnerable with everyone and share more about me. Like the title says, I want to come out. So here goes: as long as I can remember(and still experience), I’ve been attracted to men. Even though this is my present situation, I know that this may or may not always be the case. It’s been quite the journey to come to terms with this.
In the beginning, my perspective was to do my best to ignore and stuff this to cope. My religious background and the culture norm made it clear that thinking and feeling this way(especially acting on it) wasn’t accepted; therefore, I was trapped. This shadowed prison allowed darkness and shame to grow exponentially as years and years passed.
Eventually, things had to break and things did change. I had to begin to be honest with myself and confront my internal reality. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any people in which I felt trustworthy or safe to share and process this with…but I did have Jesus. He became the friend in which I could share the pain, confusion, anger, disappointment, lust, and desires with. And He actually listened, stuck around, and responded!
Because of His commitment to me, love for me, and power working within me, I’ve experienced freedom, transformation, and a renewing of my mind. Yet, this hasn’t resulted in my attractions changing. I think the Lord is mostly wanting me to become HOLY, not heterosexual. I know I haven’t walked this out perfectly and have stumbled along the way, but this I do know: I am coming out and coming through, leaning on Jesus, my Beloved.